Don't give in to nostalgia
I'm 34. It’s not that old. But I'm having to deal with a new feeling: mourning the lives I once lived.
As you get older you start driving with road behind you as well as in front. And it becomes tempting to stare in the rear-view mirror at your past lives and forget to look at what’s in front of you.
I’ve read plenty of advice about not comparing yourself to others. But nobody warned me about comparing myself to my past selves.
I don't mean in a life gone wrong kind of way. My life is perfectly lovely. Yet I still find myself grieving what I've lost.
Growing older is a long series of moments where you think: wait, I wasn't ready to let that go yet. It's subtraction as much as addition. Or a trade. More money, less time. A partner, a family that feels further away. Better mental health, worse physical health. Confident, less carefree. Each version of you had something the current one doesn't. And it can be tough to get over what you've lost and appreciate what you've gained.
Social media doesn't help. It shows me old adverts, games and TV shows whilst painfully sad music plays in the background. It hurts like heartbreak watching them. And yet, I watch. Casting my mind back in longing to events and moments that are gone. The "good times". Times that in the moment I didn't even think were "good".
That's the irony of it all. We didn't even notice, let alone enjoy, the "good times" when we were in them. We were the same as we are now: so focused on driving the car to the next destination that we forget to look out the window and appreciate what we have. Life is often better in hindsight. And that's the trap of nostalgia – it makes recognising the "good times" even tougher. Nostalgia is almost a form of self harm.
If you feel the same, I don't have a fix I’m afraid. I'm not sure anyone does. All I know is that dwelling doesn't bring any of it back. Nor does it improve the now. A now that doubtless contains many things that in 10 years time you’ll be nostalgic for. The good times are now too. They’re just a different form of good.
There’s a line from the film "Cinema Paradiso" that sums it up:
You're young and the world is yours. Don't come back. Don't think about us. Don't look back. Don't write. Don't give in to nostalgia. Forget us all.
Some of the nostalgia videos I see:
